kanatsizmarti

anlatamayhachağım ßiliyh0rum. cümlélér yhiné ßir ßiriné qharışachaqh. tıphqhı shana shévhqimi anlatamadhığım qißi, içimdhé yhanan yhanqınshın. gél shénshizliğin ßéni dhüşürdhüğü dhuruma ßaqh. yalvharışlar, yhaqharışlar, qozyhaşları ßéni ßiraz dhaha qüçshüz dhuruma dhüşürüyh0r. yaradhanıma shığınıph açtım éllérimi, ağladhım ağladhım ama hiçßir şéyh qéri qétirmédhi. ilqh zamanlardha ßélqhi dhé, ßir shandhalı dhénizé ßıraqhırshın yha! .. néréyhé qidhéchéğini ßilmézshin savhrulachağı an phaniğé qhaphılırshın. bén shénshiz shavhrulurqhén phaniğé qhaphıldhım. çılqına dhondhüm, qhaßullénémédhim ßir ßaşqhashını, né yhaphayhım dhéliliğim tuttu işté, yhüréğimé shoz qéçirémédhim. hér zaman şunu shoyhlédhim, ßén shénshizliği taşıyhamam, qhaßullénémém. séni qhayhßétméyhé alışamıyh0rum. yaşadhıqhlarım, anlatachaqhları m, shana hishshéttiqhlérimin yhanındha hiç qhalıyh0r. içimdhén qéçénléri aqhtarmaqhta z0rlanıyh0rum. biliyh0rum farqhındhayhım hér şéyhin, né zamanqhi ßéndhén qittiğin anı dhüşünüyh0rsham qhalßim pharçalanıyh0r. kırqınlıqhlarınla pharçalanıyh0rum. t0z ßuz 0ldhu dhédhiqhlérini t0phluyh0rum. bütün shévhqimlé 0nları ßir arayha qétiriyh0rum. bén shana qhıyhamam qüzél qozlüm; shévhqimin ßüyhüqhlüğü altındha éziliyh0rum réshmén, shana anlatamamaqh qh0yhuyh0r. gülüşlérindhé shaqhlı qéléchéğim, néféshindhé qizli yhaşamım. séninlé hér anı shaniyhé shaniyhé yhaşıyh0rum. hashta dhüştün ßénim qißi, qüçshüz dhüştün. ama inatla shaqhlıyh0r shoyhlémiyh0rshun qhimshéyhé, ama ßén hishshédhiyh0rum hér şéyhim; sh0l yhanım uyhuşuyh0r ßiliyh0r mushun? kalßim taşıyhamıyh0r ßu achıyhı, shéninlé qéçirdhiğim anları dhüşünéréqh avhunuyh0rum. hér qéché iyhi qéchélér dhiléğinlé uyhurdhum, hér shaßah qünayhdhın dhéyhişinlé ßaşlardhım hayhata: kaldhıramıyh0rum ßéßéğim shénshizliği, taşıyhamıyh0rum inan. sana iyhi ßaqhamıyh0rum sh0n qünlérdhé, ßiliyh0rum ßana yhiné qhızachaqhshın. ama shéndhé ßana iyhi ßaqhmıyh0rshun. şunu ßil qhi ßu hayhatta yhaşadhıqhlarımız ßizim qéléchéğimizin téméllérini atıyh0r. hér şéyhi ßir dhüşün ßaqh qoréchéqhshin. hérqhésh ßizi imrénirqhén nashıl ardhına ßaqhmadhan qidhiyh0rshun. bilmiyh0r mushun ßénim shénshizliği qhaldhıramayhachağı mı, dhüşünmédhin mi hiç, shén yhaphaßiliyh0r mushun ßénshiz. evhét dhiyhéchéqhshin, ç0qh huzurlu mutluyhum dhiyhéchéqhshin. ama ßiliyh0rum shadhéché dhilin qh0nuşachaqh, için pharçalanachaqh, biliyh0rum qhi shénindhé ßéndhén éqhshiqh qhalır yhanın yh0qh. bir tarafın éqhshiqh, için qhan ağlıyh0r, yhalnız qhaldhığındha ßénim qißi içtén içé yhiyhiyh0rshun qhéndhini, qél ziyhan 0lmashın hayhatımız, qél sh0lmashın hayhallérimiz. hér qéçén qün ßiraz dhaha z0r 0luyh0r ayhrılıqh, ßir qhéz dhaha anladhım qérçéği, néréyhé ßaqhıyh0rsham shéni qorüyh0rum. kimé ßaqhıyh0rsham shana ßénzétiyh0rum. hiçßir şéyh yhaphmaqh ishtémiyh0r chanım. sadhéché shéni dhüşünméqh ishtiyh0rum, shéninlé yhaşadhıqhlarımı hayhal édhiyh0rum. sén ßir qhénara yhazdhığım én qüzél şéyhshin. farqhındha 0lmadhan ihmal étmişim shéni, ßén shéninlé dh0ğdhum, shéninlé açtım dhünyhayha qozlérimi, shéninlé ßüyhüdhüm. öqhshüz ßıraqhma n’0lur, shana ç0qh ama ç0qh ihtiyhachım vhar. gél yhiné qéchémé qündhüz 0l, shaßahıma qünéş 0l, dh0ğ dhünyhama, ßén yhiné dhéliliqh édhéyhim. manyhaqhlar qißi shévhdhiğimi hayhqhırayhım. sévhdhiğimi shoyhlérqhén yhiné héyhéchan sharshın ßédhénimi, tér dhoqhéyhim qharşındha, qozyhaşları içindhé ß0ğuluyh0rum, yhiné qél oph qozlérimdhén, dhinshin yhaşları, yhiné shımshıqhı sharılıph sh0nshuzumshun dhiyhé hayhqhır qharşımdha, shozchüqhlér ß0ğulshun ßirßirinin arashındha, héyhéchan sharshın tüm ßédhénimizi, yhiné hızla atshın qhalßimiz. biliyh0r mushun dhün qéché rüyhamdha hashta 0ldhuğunu qordhüm. bir yhanım éqhshildhi, hér qünüm ayhnı qüzél qozlüm. sénshizliğin vhérdhiği achılar yh0qh édhiyh0r ßéni. uçuruma dh0ğru qéldhiğimi hishshédhiyh0rum. sén ßénim hér şéyhimshin. gél şaqha yhaphtım dhé dh0yha dh0yha sharılayhım shana, dhinshin ßu achılar dhinshin yhüréğimizin féryhadhı, ayhrıldhıqh dhiyhémiyh0rum qhimshéyhé, ßiliyh0rum qhi ßu ßir şaqha, shéndhé ßu şaqhayhı fazla uzatmayhachaqhshı n. diri dhiri t0phrağa qomméyhéchéqhshin, ßiliyh0rum qhıyhamazshın shén ßana qhıyhamazshın ßu ßüyhüqh shévhdhayha, shéni ç0qh shévhiyh0rum hér şéyhim, anlatamayhachaqh qhadhar ç0qh shévhiyh0rum. déphrémlér 0luyh0r yhüréğimdhé hér an ßir şéyhlér yhıqhılıph yh0qh 0luyh0r içimdhé, altındha éziliyh0rum shénshizliğin. uzat éllérini çéqh qhurtar ßu éziyhéttén. zaman én ßüyhüqh ilaçtır. zaman sharshın yharamızı, ayhrılıqhlara qitménin anlamı yh0qh. şunu unutma hér dhaim shéninlé ßüyhüdhüm. hér dhaim shéndhén ßir şéyhlér oğréndhim. yıllar qéçshédhé ßu shévhqi hér dhaim ßüyhüyhéchéqh. bu adham héph shéni shévhéchéqh, hayhqhırışlarıma qhulaqh vhér, dhinlé ßéni shévhdhiğim. séshimin qéldhiği yhéré dhonüph ßaqh, farqhındha 0l qérçéqhlérin. iqhimiz ßir élmanın yharıshıyhız. sén ßéndhéqhi ßénshin ßén shéndhéqhi ßénim. bu qérçéqh hiç dhéğişméyhéchéqh. kiminlé 0lurshan 0l, nérdhé 0lurshan 0l, ßir néfésh qhadhar yhaqhınındha 0lachağım. bin ßir ümitlé, ßén qéldhim ßéßéğim dhéméni ßéqhléyhéchéğim. ölüm dhoşéğindhé 0lsham dha qozlérim açıqh qitméyhéchéqh hér şéyhim. ç0qh qéç 0lmadhan qél ßir taném. gozü yhaşlı ßıraqhma ardhındha, shéni ßéqhliyh0rum. séni ç0qh shévhiyh0rum qérçéğim. séshshiz çığlığıma shozchüqh 0l. sévh éshqhishi qißi, sharıl ß0yhnuma, qél dhizlériné yhatır ßu yh0rqun ßédhénimi, dhizlérindhé sh0n ßulshun hayhallérim. gozlériné ßaqharaqh sh0n ßulshun ozlémim, qél méléğim qél, ßéndhéqhi shéni al oyhlé qit madhém qidhéchéqhshén…:ßß0:

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