sevgili günlük

I am 132.28 pound and 5'8. I want to be 94.8 in an unhealty way til school's start. Thats not only because I wanna die. Actually Im not looking forward to death. I love life and stuff about life, I play with a 4 years old dog who is full of life in this day and that caused I love this life more than ever. I had a problem with life once and I was really wanted to die thats because I forced myself puke every night. Bcz I was disgussed when I do this and need some balls to suicide. Hate yourself made you hate this life, you look at the world as you look at yourself. You see the world as you view it

Anyways, I love myself but when I wont grasp ana's hand I feel like lost and this intimidate me about hate life again. I'm afraid, I dont even know if I can live without ana. Just lemme try, I just wanna be with her in couple of day.



I'm in fast since am 4.07 .
It isn't possible to me tell you how nice it feels to me. I mean, I'm hungry and finally I find a reason to love myself. If I'll die from ana, it'll be not matter to me. She is my life, living without her isn't a mental course either. I will eat anything for 2 days, I can extend it but if I do this then may be I'll fainting and this will ruin everything, may be I lose her. They take me to the psychologist if they figure out. Actually I dont think as much as I show.

Loves,
Elif xx